Sometimes, in moments of stress, frustration, or conflict, it feels easier to shut down. Jim Wilder calls this “relational circuits” turning off — our brain’s way of protecting us when we feel overwhelmed. The problem is, when our circuits go dark, we lose the ability to stay truly connected with God and with others.
The good news is, you can learn to notice when this happens and gently switch them back on. This is the heart of attunement — staying engaged with another person’s emotions and needs, even when yours feel overloaded.
Here’s a simple way to practice:
- Notice the signs – Short answers, lack of eye contact, or feeling irritated are often signals your relational circuits are off. Here's resource that can help you notice when your circuits are off.
- Pause and breathe – Give yourself a moment to calm your body so your mind can re-engage.
- Reconnect intentionally – Think of a time you felt God’s presence or someone’s kindness. Let that memory help you lean back toward connection.
Attunement doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. It means staying open enough to sense God’s heart and another person’s heart at the same time.
This month, pay attention to when you feel yourself pulling away. Ask God for help to stay present. Over time, you’ll find that the more you practice, the easier it becomes to remain connected — even in hard conversations.
